Tea Time |Who’s the Momma?


From time to time I see moms who are confused about their role. They don’t seem to know, who is the child and who is the parent? Maybe it’s self doubt or worry whether they actually know what they’re doing, but I know they are confused because I see them debating with their five or ten year old about decisions that don’t need any discussion. Let’s make it clear up front……you are the momma.

I understand, you want to be reasonable with your child or give them choices, but it’s not always necessary. You are the momma! You don’t have to have a degree in child development to know what’s best, in most situations, for your child. You are the parent. You have age and years of experience on them. They are the rookie on the job; you are the seasoned veteran – even if you don’t always feel like it. This is where James1:5 and praying for wisdom, comes into play. Even your begging-for-God’s wisdom, educated guess is more informed, than your child’s decision-making process.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

Your child is not always wrong, but he or she is almost always childish. They are children. You are the adult and can do this job. Don’t let them intimidate you or cause you to second guess yourself.

Yes, treat them with respect, but expect them to treat you with respect as well. Even when your child has a valid suggestion to offer, you deserve to be treated with respect – not argued into a corner or bullied by a three year old. It might be cute at three, but I can guarantee it won’t be cute at thirteen! That goes for drama queen moves, too, like holding their breath or whining.

As your child grows and matures into their middle school and teen years, you will want to teach them the reasoning behind your decisions to help them develop their own mental process of decision making. The goal is for them to eventually be mature enough to make wise decisions on their own as they move into adulthood.

It is not always easy to be the responsible adult, and sometimes you WILL make mistakes. But by and large, if you are motivated by a loving desire to provide and care for your child, and you ask God for His help, you won’t go too far wrong.

So, when your six year old wants to wear clothing you think is inappropriate dress for her age, stand your ground. You have her protection and innocence at heart. If your four year old wants fast food chicken nuggets for every meal, you can say ‘No.” You are looking out for his well-being. You’re not being unreasonable; you are being the momma.

If this is an area that is difficult for you, I have a little assignment you can practice. Each time you walk past a mirror, stop and point to the image of yourself. Ask, “Who’s the momma?” Respond by pointing your thumb back at yourself and say, “I’m the momma!”





  1. Bethany says

    With four kids you would think I would have learned this lesson already, but at times I feel myself slipping. It’s nice to be reminded that God put me, their mother, in charge.

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